I took shrooms a couple days ago and really thought about the funk I’ve been in for the last few months since I got laid off from my job. I always get like this when I’m unemployed but this time it’s not as bad as in the past because I’m working on my memoir, but I realized as I was tripping that i need more than that. I’m no Stephen King. I can’t focus all day on writing.
I need balance. I need other writing projects, other artistic explorations and I need to do manual labor. Exercise isn’t enough. It’s got to be manual labor that actually gets something accomplished.
I’ve been planning with a couple friends to buy a plot of land and open a small kink/queer/nudist type campground, so I’m realizing I need to get off my ass and go live at another campground for a while and get a feel for how it’s run.
Life is too easy for me. Everything is so luxurious and I think that’s a big reason I’m in this funk. I’ve spent 48 years building a life of ease and luxury and didn’t understand that that’s not what was going to make me happy, so now I need to deliberately go somewhere without all these comforts–im currently lying in my hammock overlooking the field behind my house..
I worked so hard for so many years so I could be free and go anywhere, but I’m stuck in this comfortable life. I don’t want to leave my swimming pool, ya know?
But on this shroom trip I kept thinking about the spaceport that spacex has announced down in louisiana. I want to go there and find some way to contribute. I don’t know how, but I want to be there and be a part of it. I don’t want to leave behind my friends and campground goal in pittsburgh, so maybe if I found a cheap place down there I could move between pittsburgh and south Lafayette Louisiana.
It’s these kind of moments that come around, I’d say once in a lifetime, but I have had other life changing opportunities that I either seized or let slip through my fingers, but they are each unique and must be recognized when they happen and so I need to recognize that this is some vague opportunity. It’s calling to me but the specifics elude me. Just go down there and see what happens. ask around. see how I can help. I’m a writer, programmer, nature lover and a decent cook. something in there could be useful and speak to me. I’m at a point in my life where I don’t need to care about money anymore and that could either come with a mission and something to do, or it could come with a bunch of video games and wasting of the life.
Maybe it could be something on the sidelines, like advocating for the queer community, fighting back against the problematic aspects of Elon Musk, his cruelty and bigotry while fully supporting his technology and vision for a multi planetary humanity. Maybe that should be my goal, to convince the spacex folks to support the queer community and convincing the queer community to support spacex. Right now there’s such a divide of hatred that so does not need to be there.
