Been thinking of maybe going back to my age old idea of making a public journal

Been thinking of maybe going back to my age old idea of making a public journal. Just write as fast as possible like I normally do in my private journal and just post. The public one could have comments but I wouldn’t respond to them unless it was like a weird special occasion.
I know I’ve tried the social media thing over and over and over and it’s never worked, but you know, I do it differently every time and this idea is a bit different than what I’ve done in the past. It’s more open and less manipulative. Like it’s just me spilling my guts, not trying to force it on anyone or anything, just me saying how I feel without going back and worrying about details and spelling and grammar and stuff.
In the past I was always just taking so much time to craft every word that no one ever read. This time it’ll be me working things out for myself. I don’t care what people think about it. I be true to myself and true to my values and then just express myself in a free flow fast style.
I could talk about all kinds of things, obviously not people in my personal life, but maybe I would talk about some of them just not use their real names, I dunno. I’d have to work that out as I experiment.
But my whole view on success is about multitaskers, like how I try to get exercise while mowing the lawn and also listen to a self help book at the same time. I need to when I go for my walks, carry something to exercise my arms, so I can exercise my legs arms and brain all at the same time–anyway, I should be doing the same thing with my journal. If I’m going to spend this time working things out for my own head, why not kill two birds with one stone and use it to communicate with the outside world?
Why haven’t I done this in the past I wonder
Fear probably.
Lack of self confidence. Feeling like everyone would judge me… which is true. They will judge me and I won’t say that I don’t care because I will certainly care. It’s not okay to not care when you offend people, but it won’t upset me if I do. I mean, you can care deeply about avoiding mistakes and still not get sad when you make a mistake. That works for being highly social but also not being a dick. Try your best, strive toward kindness and empathy but know that you will fuck up and hurt someone and that that is part of the game. I will make responsible and respectful choices about how I express things, but if people still get enraged at me, that’s something I’ll accept and address in a calm and reasonable fashion–or simply ignore.
And just do it fast. Because time is my most valuable asset.
I’ve just felt so fucking zen lately, like nothing can harm me, like everything is filled with joy and wonder. I’m 45 and it feels like I just discovered the world.
I live in a kumbaya world of unicorns and rainbows and it’s fucking amazing. Like nothing I ever could have imagined as a child or even just a few years ago.
I need to share this somehow.
Fuck it, I’m gonna just post this and start this public journal. Dive right in and give it a try. That’s the strategy that’s always worked for me in the past.